When we think about July 4th, we get excited about picnics and fireworks. They’re part of many family traditions and add to the joy of celebration. And to think, we’re honoring something that happened nearly 250 years ago! The Fourth of July commemorates the United States’ declaration of independence and the birth of our nation. As Americans, we should cherish our independence and remember that with independence comes responsibility. As parents, one of our greatest goals is to raise children to become independent and responsible adults. In that way, we’re preparing them for their own independence day.
In order to get there, they have to learn how to take responsibility — responsibility to work to make their own money, drive and maintain their own car, pay their bills, prepare meals, clean their home, take care of their yard and get things fixed. We’ve come to realize that having independence without proper discipline is trouble waiting to happen. Often in today’s culture, “discipline” has become synonymous with harsh punishment. However, discipline is a means of growing self-control and responsibility in children to help them become self-disciplined, independent adults. Good discipline is hard work. There’s the temptation to avoid holding kids accountable and just letting them do their own thing. Yet the hard work of discipline is worth it, as it helps produce responsible, independent adults.
Here are three ways to help develop a Godly, disciplined child:
First, teach children to study the Bible to learn about God and what He has to say and defer to His authority. God, the Creator of all things, is the one who has established right and wrong. The Bible tells us how God wants us to live, and obeying His rules will always be for our best. It’s our responsibility to train children in the way they should go according to God’s Word. It’s important for kids to understand God’s position of authority over their lives and that God has established other positions of authority they should respect.
Second, using God’s word as a guide, set expectations. Talk to your children about those expectations and consequences for disobedience. Use a chart for each child. Each morning, their paper clip starts in the middle. As they obey, they move their clip up to earn a reward, or when they disobey, they move their clip down. The chart can have three consequences, for example, no dessert, no TV (including video games) and going to bed early. Three possible rewards could be: choose a movie to watch, choose a family game to play, and choose a special dessert. Throughout the day, you can tell them to move their clip up or down depending on their behavior. They will see the consequences of their actions. What they do that evening depends on where their clip ends up. Teaching kids to understand consequences will help produce responsible, independent adults.
Third, be consistent. When we ask our children to do something, we expect them to do it. Maybe you’ve heard the parent who counts to three, “One, two… two and a half…” with longer pauses before the final three! Be careful not to be wishy-washy about your expectations, or kids may not take you seriously. Move consistently to your established consequence for disobedience. If kids know you will follow through because you consistently have in the past, it will help lead to immediate obedience based on trust, not fear. This can also help reduce frustration and hold anger in check for you and them. When children are allowed to continue their bad behavior, it reinforces that behavior.
Using God’s Word, communicating expectations and consequences, and following through will help produce responsible, independent adults. After all, our goal for children is that they become productive adults. In order to get there, they need to learn discipline and how to take responsibility, so one day we can celebrate them as independent adults.
Fred Pry is the Vice President of Administration at Child Evangelism Fellowship® (CEF®), the most impactful child evangelism ministry in the world, reaching over 27.4 million children with its face-to-face ministry in 2024. Fred joined CEF in 2003 as director of a local chapter in Pennsylvania before being appointed state director of Virginia. Later, he was invited to lead USA Ministries, and since 2024, he has been serving in the role of Vice President of Administration and providing further leadership to the organization as one of CEF’s executive staff.
